


All This Devotion I Never Knew At All

by Sxymami0909



Category: Vampire Diaries (TV)
Genre: Anger, Confessions, F/M, Hurt, Love, Transitioning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-07
Updated: 2014-06-07
Packaged: 2018-02-03 19:39:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,803
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1755391
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sxymami0909/pseuds/Sxymami0909
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It happened after the change, quiet, soft, and unexpected.</p>
            </blockquote>





	All This Devotion I Never Knew At All

Something was different. Elena had been able to feel it even before she opened her eyes, but it wasn’t until after she’d taken her first sip of blood that she understood what it was. It happened after the change, quiet, soft, and unexpected. Beneath the low humming of blood pulsing through the veins of her brother, Bonnie and Matt; beneath the sound of thumping hearts and clattering noises from neighbors in parts unknown there was a distance voice echoing in her head.

Elena had been in the bathroom gripping tight to the ceramic sink trying to get her senses under control when the first memory hit and like a tidal wave it rushed over her dragging her under and immersing her inside its dark trenches.

The night her parents died, before the car rounded the corner, before it had gone off the bridge, and before Stefan had saved her life, there was Damon. Flashes of dark hair, a cocky smile, and eyes that held a mystery she could lose herself in overwhelmed her. The conversation she never remembered happening.

At first Elena had thought her mind was playing tricks on her. She couldn’t have met Damon first, he would have told her especially after what she’d said on the phone while she was in the car with Matt. It was impossible.

The second memory came later. She was sitting in the kitchen Stefan at her side asking her if she needed anything and if she was okay. Bonnie working on creating her a daylight ring in the living room with Jeremy’s help while Caroline fussed over blood and Damon stood stoic near her kitchen island.

It slammed into her enough to cause an audible gasp to leave her throat. Elena could see it as if the moment were playing out right before her. He held the necklace in his hand, his dark eyes penetrating into her very being as he told her he loved her and then promptly made her forget saying it was because he loved her that he couldn’t be selfish with her.

Elena could feel warm hands on her body gripping her tightly, but all she could focus on were the echoes of the voice running through her head and suddenly anger surged inside of her. She shoved the hands off her body as she stood, shocked to see Stefan’s body slammed into the wall. She closed her eyes as everyone in the room froze.

She didn’t realize her own strength. She hadn’t meant to shove Stefan that hard. It was an accident and now everyone was looking at her cautiously like she was some kind of spooked animal. The anger burned inside of her and she remembered Stefan’s words about heightened emotions.

Elena took a few breaths though she no longer needed them and turned until her gaze met Damon’s. “How could you keep that from me? You lied to me!” She shouted before appearing in front of him, the quickness in the movement lost on her as she shoved him back into the counter making his back slam into it.

Damon pursed his lips and avoided the questioning looks around the room. He kept his eyes on Elena as he dusted off his shirt. “You weren’t ready to hear it.” He said simply. He hadn’t wanted this. She wasn’t supposed to become a vampire, not now anyway. Elena’s humanity was one of the things he loved about her. Stefan was the wrong person to stay behind. If it had been him he would have saved Elena first and let her hate him for it because her life was more important to him than anything else.

“Even after what I said on the phone. Even after what I told you,” She said desperately. “You could have told me about the first time.” She spit out standing her ground.

Damon held her gaze and his jaw clenching as he did is best to control his temper knowing one of them needed to. “I didn’t want to be your choice by default Elena. Despite what everyone else thinks I wanted you to choose me because you think I’m the best choice and you love me not because of something as trivial as meeting me first.” He snapped a spark of irritation filling his gaze.

Stefan frowned and took a step forward. “What are you talking about? Elena, what’s going on?” He asked confusion filling him at their words as his chest tightened.

Elena glanced back at Stefan and the look on his face made her heart clench. She was confused and hurt and how was she supposed to focus on anything when everything around her was so loud? And then she heard it. Damon’s soft voice broke through her haze and she turned her head back to him.

“That’s it. Now close your eyes Elena and focus on my voice.” He said watching the petite brunette in front of him hesitate for a second before closing her eyes. “Take a deep breath and work on tuning one thing out at a time. Start with the blood. I can hear it rushing through their veins…the life they hold inside of them,” He said softly. “Now block it out, concentrate…now the sounds from outside.”

Stefan watched as his brother patiently stood in front of Elena and helped her calm the storm of emotions inside of her. He was certain he’d never seen his brother be that patient with anyone then again it didn’t surprise him, it was Elena after all. Damon’s voice broke through his thoughts.

“Now choose one thing to focus on.” He said quietly as her eyes fluttered open. He studied her expression for a minute before arching an eyebrow at her. “Well?” He asked.

Everything was muted in Elena’s head or at least dulled enough that she could try to make sense of what was going on. She pursed her lips. “I’m angry with you.” She said trying not to let the urge to slap him build any more in her chest.

“Oh?” Damon said with a shrug before crossing his arms over his chest. “Well I’m angry at you too, so how about we call it even temper tantrum Barbie.” He mocked as he glared at her.

Elena took a step forward and Stefan was already there his hand curling around her arm as he sent Damon a disapproving look. “Stop baiting her Damon. Can one of you please tell me what’s going on?” He asked again.

Elena’s eyes stayed on Damon, her feelings jumbled in her head. Maybe there was a reason things felt different. She was different. She had chosen Stefan because with the place that she was in her life it had made sense, but that wasn’t the case anymore. Things were different now. Her Mother had once told her that a man doesn’t love a girl because of beauty, he loves her because she sings a song only he can understand.

Was it possible her heart sang to both of them? Was there even room for both of them in her heart?  She loved Stefan. He was safe, caring, and compassionate. He was a good choice. But she loved Damon too. He challenged her, pushed her to her boundaries. Damon consumed her and it scared the hell out of her. He was the furthest thing from safe that there was and yet her desire for him had only increased with the change.

“I met Damon the night my parents died. Before they picked me up…before the car ever went off the bridge. He compelled me to forget just like he did the night he came to my room and gave me back the necklace that you gave me.” She said a frown forming on her lips. “He told me he loved me and then compelled me to forget.” She said even as she held Damon’s gaze.

“You should have told me.” She said sharply.

Damon rolled his eyes and threw up his hands. “Would it have changed anything?” He said loudly.

“Maybe!” She shouted. The silence around her was deafening and she closed her eyes realizing what she had just said. She turned to Stefan and sent him a hopeless look. “I’m sorry,” She told him quietly. “I can’t help the way I feel.” She said as she reached out to him. “You know I love you.” She said softly.

Stefan watched her and nodded his eyes burning slightly. “I know you do,” He said quietly as he took her hand and pressed a light kiss to it. “But you love him too…Don’t you?” He asked softly.

Elena nodded. “I do.” She said before her gaze turned back to Damon. “I need to talk to you…Alone.” She said as she finally took a second to glance around the room. Stefan nodded motioning for everyone to follow him out. She felt Caroline squeeze her arm and Bonnie did the same before they were down the hallway, the door shutting quietly behind them.

She was alone in her house with Damon and anxiety welled inside of her. She couldn’t lose Stefan, she loved him, but she needed Damon too. She needed him to push her, to love her and she needed to find out if what they had was real. She could see him watching her and most likely trying to read her expression.

Elena swallowed hard. “You were right you know.” Her words were soft as she took a hesitant step towards him. “I want a love that consumes me.”

Damon didn’t say anything for a minute as he rested his hand on her hip. “It’s what we all want Elena. The only question is if we have the guts to admit it and do something about it.” He said quietly.

“You scare me.” She said before frowning, “The way you make me feel.”

Damon smirked. “Join the club.”

Elena was quiet as she stood in front of him close enough to smell the cologne that must have faded hours before. “I can’t promise you anything and I’m not just going to get over Stefan.”

Damon nodded. “I know.” He didn’t expect her to. All he wanted was a fair chance. “What do _you_ want Elena?”

She held his gaze and shifted forward. “You. right now I want you, Damon.” Elena felt him move before his lips were on his, not fast or rushed, but slow and steady. And just like that it happened, quiet, soft, and unexpected. The song in her heart changed, the melody evened out and a shift had occurred. What Elena had with Stefan might not be permanent and what she had with Damon might not be either, but she had forever to figure it out and right then in that moment Damon was who she chose.


End file.
